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2021: A Butterfly Emerges

 

Have you emerged yet?

 

Yogi Training Part II - Transformation of Self - WellRounded.Guru |  Butterfly metamorphosis, Metamorphosis art, Butterfly cocoon

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I wrote a post last year about 2020...a year that changed the world: individually and collectively. It seemed like something BIG was going on – on another level and I thought I had figured it out.

I wrote:

We no longer give power to trusted authorities…we realise that it is US…the PEOPLE TOGETHER that have the power. We just gave it away for a while…while they cocooned us in our comfort, overeating, overconsuming, brainwashed on futile TV, distracted by entertainment, conned by the trinkets of the Dunya (this world). But now we have the chance to reclaim our power and change the world for the better.

I floated above it all, thinking I had some kind of special spiritual awareness. But HIM up there had another plan for me. For suddenly He brought me back down to Earth with an ALMIGHTY (pun intended) crash. I think it was a lesson in humility but one of hope too.

The darkness seemed never-ending. The confusion was all consuming. From a normal functioning human to a caged animal fighting for her life within the blink of an eye. Everything unravelling as the fear became a huge expanding monster, relentlessly throwing rocks of guilt, shame and self-hatred at me. I had to face every aspect of myself ; raw and fully exposed, the naked truth of me. Every scar, every scab, every ugly wart. Everytime I thought I was finally finding my feet, He grabbed me by the forelock and threw me down again.  A friend told me recently that this is the stripping of the ego. And yes, its as painful as it sounds.

At first I blamed everyone and everything else and became a victim…despite all I taught to others, at the time I could not practice the preaching. I clinged on desperately to the wrong things …believing the false securities; turning to people who could really do nothing for me; dwelling in places that were bad for me and immersing in thoughts that were poisoning me. Ironically, I found comfort in this negativity.

I thought it would never end. I thought I would never emerge. I thought my life as I knew it was over. And I actually accepted that this was my destiny. I lost my connection with God, I lost all my wordly anchors,I lost the supposed control of my life,  I missed my chance, there would be no moving forward. I just had to exist in this Hell till I arrived at the next Hell.

Until I turned my focus  to the place I actually belong: Allah. And thats when I realised the lesson I was supposed to learn (inshaAllah) and the journey that Allah was taking me through. I realised that it wasnt about this world…covid, 5G, vaccinations, governments, BigPharma, communities, friendships, relationships, kids, houses, money, jobs…..all this is an illusion. Its about another world, in fact two ….the world that is within and the world that is beyond.

As soon as I turned to Him…and I mean sincerely…with my heart..with every cell in my heart…with every drop of flowing blood in my veins, with every ounce of divine energy in my body and in total desperation…finally letting go of every attachment and destroying every wordly idol I had set up and putting myself in His hands…fully surrendering , fully submitting..only then it all changed.In reality, in this physical dimension , nothing had changed…I was still in the same situation, facing the same demons…and yet EVERYTHING changed.Where there was turmoil I now find peace. Where I thought there were enemies I found friends, where I thought there was evil I found blessings. What kind of hologram had I been living in before?

I realised that it is not “the people” that have the power. Its not me that has any capability…. even though at times it felt like it. When things are good, arrogance and pride seep into the soul and make us feel we have extraordinary power and control. But if you are lucky and Allah tests you, there can be no conclusion other than:  ALL POWER is with the Almighty alone. I also realised that letting go, in the truest sense is a very hard task…how easily we speak the words though! Our possessions, and that includes children, our routines, our certainties in life are what we hold onto for dear life. Its very hard to let go of the ropes of this Dunya.

We do what we can with good intentions but it is only through the will of Allah that he grants us what we want or even better, what we need. There is not a thing in this world that can help you if it is not Allahs will. Without His rope we are truly lost.

We can still change the world though…because Islam is ever-hopeful. And, mercifully,  Allah swt clearly tells us how to do it :

AllahSubhanAllah. As time unfolds so the messages of the Quran unfold to reveal deeper treasures. And now I get it. To see those treasures, to feel them, to  experience the delights and miracles Allah has gifted us we have to dig deep…in the scorching heat, hungry and parched…sweating and puffing…alone in the dark, until its so clear that you cant even breathe as you are struck by awe and humiltiy. There is nothing you can do but bow down to be His slave and pray that He grants you the ability, the time, the opportunity to worship Him and only HIM. The actual purpose of life on Earth.

Alhumdulillah

Whatever your journey, I sincerely hope you have emerged….no longer comfortable in your prison but free in every way, alive and inquisitive to the next stage of your life. And if you haven’t emerged yet, thats ok…because Allah..or the “universe” or whatever you call Him knows exactly when the right time will be. Trust Him

 

8 Responses so far.

  1. Zahida Arif says:

    Subhanallah this has made me cry and really resonates with me. It’s so powerful! Thank you for sharing Afshah xxx

    • afsha malik says:

      Thank you Zahida xx This life is so irrelevant. All the things that were so big and dramatic will poof away into dust soon…and then all we have to hold onto is whats left in our hearts. So, work hard to fill it with what He wants and not what the world wants. I just hope that I have enough to gain the mercy of Allah, because in reality thats what its all about. The rest? Well, its all flotsum and jetsum…:)

  2. Shazia says:

    Your words are so incredibly brave and beautiful. Thank you for sharing them Afsha. May your courage give hope to others who are going through hard times.

    • afsha malik says:

      You know, Allah sends us challenges to conquer as we rise up the levels of this game of life. But He also sends us aides, like turbo booster energy packs. These little rewards enable us to jump to the next level, or prolong our lives. You are one of those blessings Allah sends to people. MashAllah. May Allah always protect you and your loved ones . Ameen.

  3. Suzan says:

    Mashallah, thank you for sharing such a personal reflection so beautifully put. This is the true jihad, the struggle against the nafs (desires and ego). May Allah guide us all to the truth. Ameen

    • afsha malik says:

      Ameen. thank you Suzan. You know, in the past I didnt give this Dua the status it deserved. I thought there were many truths, many paths…and there are ..and I used to think why do we as Muslims have to say “may Allah guide them to Islam” because all paths lead to the One. But now I know with total and utter conviction of the perfection of Islam, I realise this dua is the most precious wish you could wish for another human. Without His guidance we are so easily led astray, and the further we stray, the more there is to lose.

  4. Tabs says:

    Afsha this is amazing and touched every bit of my soul and made my hairs stand on end. So true , to wholly trust Allah swt and knowing he has the reins to our life is really difficult but once you do that and you let go of the ‘control’ you thought you had then life takes on a new meaning. You have always been a pure soul Afsha – I know that more than anyone – I also feel that you could have found your calling here – the way you reached out in this blog post I sincerely feel a book coming on…… love you always

    • afsha malik says:

      No book for me Tabs but just that belief that I could do it is a great compliment…thank you.
      It took nearly 50 years but I finally got it :)