Have you emerged yet?
I wrote a post last year about 2020...a year that changed the world: individually and collectively. It seemed like something BIG was going on – on another level and I thought I had figured it out.
We no longer give power to trusted authorities…we realise that it is US…the PEOPLE TOGETHER that have the power. We just gave it away for a while…while they cocooned us in our comfort, overeating, overconsuming, brainwashed on futile TV, distracted by entertainment, conned by the trinkets of the Dunya (this world). But now we have the chance to reclaim our power and change the world for the better.
I floated above it all, thinking I had some kind of special spiritual awareness. But HIM up there had another plan for me. For suddenly He brought me back down to Earth with an ALMIGHTY (pun intended) crash. I think it was a lesson in humility but one of hope too.
The darkness seemed never-ending. The confusion was all consuming. From a normal functioning human to a caged animal fighting for her life within the blink of an eye. Everything unravelling as the fear became a huge expanding monster, relentlessly throwing rocks of guilt, shame and self-hatred at me. I had to face every aspect of myself ; raw and fully exposed, the naked truth of me. Every scar, every scab, every ugly wart. Everytime I thought I was finally finding my feet, He grabbed me by the forelock and threw me down again. A friend told me recently that this is the stripping of the ego. And yes, its as painful as it sounds.
At first I blamed everyone and everything else and became a victim…despite all I taught to others, at the time I could not practice the preaching. I clinged on desperately to the wrong things …believing the false securities; turning to people who could really do nothing for me; dwelling in places that were bad for me and immersing in thoughts that were poisoning me. Ironically, I found comfort in this negativity.
I thought it would never end. I thought I would never emerge. I thought my life as I knew it was over. And I actually accepted that this was my destiny. I lost my connection with God, I lost all my wordly anchors,I lost the supposed control of my life, I missed my chance, there would be no moving forward. I just had to exist in this Hell till I arrived at the next Hell.
Until I turned my focus to the place I actually belong: Allah. And thats when I realised the lesson I was supposed to learn (inshaAllah) and the journey that Allah was taking me through. I realised that it wasnt about this world…covid, 5G, vaccinations, governments, BigPharma, communities, friendships, relationships, kids, houses, money, jobs…..all this is an illusion. Its about another world, in fact two ….the world that is within and the world that is beyond.
As soon as I turned to Him…and I mean sincerely…with my heart..with every cell in my heart…with every drop of flowing blood in my veins, with every ounce of divine energy in my body and in total desperation…finally letting go of every attachment and destroying every wordly idol I had set up and putting myself in His hands…fully surrendering , fully submitting..only then it all changed.In reality, in this physical dimension , nothing had changed…I was still in the same situation, facing the same demons…and yet EVERYTHING changed.Where there was turmoil I now find peace. Where I thought there were enemies I found friends, where I thought there was evil I found blessings. What kind of hologram had I been living in before?
I realised that it is not “the people” that have the power. Its not me that has any capability…. even though at times it felt like it. When things are good, arrogance and pride seep into the soul and make us feel we have extraordinary power and control. But if you are lucky and Allah tests you, there can be no conclusion other than: ALL POWER is with the Almighty alone. I also realised that letting go, in the truest sense is a very hard task…how easily we speak the words though! Our possessions, and that includes children, our routines, our certainties in life are what we hold onto for dear life. Its very hard to let go of the ropes of this Dunya.
We do what we can with good intentions but it is only through the will of Allah that he grants us what we want or even better, what we need. There is not a thing in this world that can help you if it is not Allahs will. Without His rope we are truly lost.
We can still change the world though…because Islam is ever-hopeful. And, mercifully, Allah swt clearly tells us how to do it :
SubhanAllah. As time unfolds so the messages of the Quran unfold to reveal deeper treasures. And now I get it. To see those treasures, to feel them, to experience the delights and miracles Allah has gifted us we have to dig deep…in the scorching heat, hungry and parched…sweating and puffing…alone in the dark, until its so clear that you cant even breathe as you are struck by awe and humiltiy. There is nothing you can do but bow down to be His slave and pray that He grants you the ability, the time, the opportunity to worship Him and only HIM. The actual purpose of life on Earth.
Whatever your journey, I sincerely hope you have emerged….no longer comfortable in your prison but free in every way, alive and inquisitive to the next stage of your life. And if you haven’t emerged yet, thats ok…because Allah..or the “universe” or whatever you call Him knows exactly when the right time will be. Trust Him